Just an initial warning, I’m writing this a little drunk, but maybe that will only add to its charm. Skyy Vodka and Stewart's diet black cherry soda in case you were wondering. Pretty yummy.
I met up with the Colorado Bloggers yesterday for breakfast: Lori, Denise, K., Meg, Spicy Sister, Nancy, and Jen. It is the first time I have ever been a part of any social group where everyone knows very personal things about each other but didn’t necessarily learn them in-person.
In my work, I am very accustomed to communicating in the online world. Although I work from home, I work with people all over the world on a daily basis. Since many people who are English-as-a-second-language feel more comfortable with written English than spoken English, much of that communication is e-mails and instant messaging. Much of it is also conference calls, web meetings, and, more commonly now, Second Life meetings. Of all of these communication methods, the most intimate by far is instant messaging. People come out of their shell and trade their virtual business suits for virtual jeans and t-shirts. They talk about their personal lives, spirituality, what they dislike about their jobs and the company, and what they really think about other people.
So it makes sense to me that the relationship among this group of women would be more intimate in the online world, as that has been my experience in work situations. I don’t think we should judge ourselves for it in a negative way. I think, to the contrary, we should celebrate the fact that we can connect so deeply, share so freely, and support so caringly. I went through my first IVF totally alone, without connecting to anyone about it, in person or online, and while living far away from my husband (due to his work). I felt alone and scared but trudged through it with determination and courage. The second time I had the support of women I met on message boards and in support groups, and that made an immense difference in the experience – it became OK to admit that this was really hard and sometimes my determination and courage ran weak. Now that I’m in-between IVFs and contemplating my 3rd, I feel so much more comfortable with the whole infertility thing. Not just because its rituals have become familiar, but because of this joining of hearts and souls and minds amongst other women walking the same path. Going through this war develops a sisterhood among those who know the battles and wounds that go along it.
I love that we are all doing this blogging and getting together. It’s not easy to share your innermost feelings with people that you don't know, nor with people who you are slowly getting to know in person. But to me it feels really healthy and healing. The online world is one kind of friendship, and it seems like it would be a major shortcut to in-person friendships, but they are friendships of different kinds, and I think it takes time to merge the online and in-person worlds.
