Fumbling Towards Eggstacy

Why I Went to Conceptions Over CCRM for My Fourth Try

This post is in response to a reader comment/question.  I know a lot of you bloggers choose to not name doctor or practice names in your blogs.  I personally have no rule against it.  I figure this is my experience, and since this country blesses me with freedom of speech, I'm happy to share my experience.  Of course it is just that -- one person's experience.  But isn't that part of why we read blogs -- to know other people's experiences?  To not just see a number on the CDC website, but to know other women and what they went through.  So for that valuable benefit, here you are.

Why I went to Conceptions instead of CCRM for my fourth cycle:

1.  A woman I met at a Christmas party last year told me she had twins at age 42 with Dr. Swanson with her own eggs after 4 IVFs.  Her boys were at the party with her, they were about two years old, and adorable, and she was a very happy mom.  She told me about Dr. Swanson and how he used to be partners with Dr. Schoolcraft and how wonderful he was.

2.  I know another woman -- another blogger -- who went to Conceptions, is a little older than me, and had success.  So that inspired me.  She told me how their embryologists are A++ and pointed out that the stats are similar to CCRM.  I looked it up and sure enough they are.

3.  I was severly frustrated with the way CCRM was handling some of my finances, as they owed (and still owe) me about $2K from my cycle Oct/Nov 2007.  I have an attorney working to get me my money back. 

4.  CCRM had made my husband and I upset during our first try at IVF #3.  I had converted to IUI after taking the requisite $5K worth of fertility drugs for a typical low-responder IVF cycle.  On the planned IUI day, my husband was waiting in the waiting room at CCRM with his contribution on a weekend day, and they had called me and said he hadn't shown up.  Apparently they expected him to know he had to go down to the basement floor, even though there was nobody at the front desk who told him that.  So they sent him home and said we couldn't do the procedure due to time constraints in their lab.  When my husband got home, we were both in shock that we couldn't go through with the procedure after all the expense and effort of taking the fertility drugs.  They did call me at home about 90 minutes later, apologized, and said they could do it afterall, which they did.  But the initial turn-away put a bad taste in our mouths.

5.  I consulted with Dr. Swanson at Conceptions and I really liked him.  He is smart and personable and direct and offered intriguing ways that he could change my protocol to help me out.  I liked how he recommended Human Growth Hormone.  I liked how he referenced studies and had printouts of them piled up behind his desk and pulled out specific ones to show me as we spoke. 

6.  A few days after consulting with Dr. Swanson, I asked Dr. Surrey if he would be willing to give me Human Growth Hormone and he said no, reason being that the FDA hadn't approved it for use for infertility.  But after researching it, I very much wanted to use it.  And it was very clear which doctor would give me the drug and which would not.

7.  Everyone at Conceptions is super nice.  It's a small, personal practice.  Their office is a friendly and comfortable place -- not fancy or expensive, but welcoming.  I didn't feel like a number or a nuisance like I did sometimes at CCRM.  Although there were some really sweet people at CCRM, in general, the health care workers at CCRM seemed overworked and stressed and didn't have sufficient time to answer questions.  On the other hand, the nurse at Conceptions seemed happy and had time to answer my questions and didn't seem hurried or stressed at all.  In my opinion, if health care workers at a practice are kind and happy and spend quality time with patients, then their bosses -- the docs -- are probably very nice to them and make it a priority to make their staffs happy.  Which in turn makes the patients happy and provides for a much more positive experience.

8.  Last but not least -- I think it's a good idea to try a different clinic if you're not having success with your clinic -- even if your clinic is world-renowned.  Sometimes just a different pair of eyes looking at your chart and tweaking your protocol is the difference between a heartbreak and a world of happiness.

Eggs Retrieved

My ER was today, with 10 eggs retrieved.  Not bad considering that on our last try at IVF#3, in March, I never made it to ER due to two leading follices, and cycle was converted to an IUI.  This time around, I was officially acepted by my new RE as an IUI patient with the option to convert to IVF if I had at least 4 follies, due to my "poor history," so I trumped the 4-follie criterion.

I had a 6:30 a.m. conference call for work, and then woke up DH at 7:30 a.m.  He was up til 2 a.m. last night chatting with his niece and nephew after we all went to see the Police at Red Rocks (great show!), and needless to say, was not too excited to be awakened.  Of course I think, why does he have to be a grump when we're trying to make a baby.  But then I figure, it's not like he was up late drinking -- he was up late being a very cool uncle to two teenagers who love him to death.  And anyway, he cheered up once we got to the doc.  Being a health care worker himself, he always goes out of his way to make the health care workers smile because he knows what it's like to be in their shoes.

Things were quite a bit different at Conceptions compared with CCRM.  At Conceptions today, I was the only ER patient of the day.  When I had my last ER -- with CCRM back in November 07 -- I was the 12th, and last, patient of the day and was wheeled out to my car in the dark.  Seems like the fact that they have only my eggies to focus on today is a good thing.

Tomorrow we'll get the fertilization report, and on Friday (day 2) the embryologist will be able to tell us if it's a 3-day or 5-day transfer.  At that point (day 2), the embies should be at the 2- or 4- cell stage.  Should be interesting to see what embryo quality is since last time we had high fragmentation.  With 4 straight months of 2x/week acupuncture, and HGH, I'm hoping for better quality.  The criteria for day 3 versus day 5 transfer is that, if > 4 look good on day 2, then they plan a day 5 transfer.  I prefer a day 3 regardless of what they look like on day 2, but I'll wait to see what they look like before putting my foot down.  No sense being adamant now about going against their preferred ways of doing things if I'll only have a few good ones anyway.

I'm happy that on transfer day, the embryologist is going to have a full size pic of every embryo for us to look at.  I've never got to see pictures before.  My first embryologist, in Tampa, said that taking pictures was bad for the embryos.  The current embryologist says that's not the case.

Not much to do now other than send those little embies happy thoughts.

Fumbling Towards Ecstasy

Here's Sarah McLachlan with Fumbling Towards Ecstacy.

All the fear has left me now
I’m not frightened anymore
It’s my heart that pounds beneath my flesh
It’s my mouth that pushes out this breath

Good thing I didn't commit to NaComLeavMo this month.  I've been a horrendous commenter, too many trips and distractions.  Maybe the big commenting month should be in January not June!!  I am very very happy for all of my newly pregnant blogging buddies, your successes bring me joy and give me hope.

I got back from Wisconsin on Monday.  I also got AF on Monday.  As much as I promise myself I won't be surprised, I have still had this feeling like I'm going to regurgitate all of my internal organs ever since I took a HPT on Saturday morning.  I had a mini-meltdown at the wedding.  Partially because I found out that a person I had been very close to for a long time had recently passed away.  And I guess partially because of the BFN.  And partially because of the bourbon I slammed.  This fertility mumbo jumbo is affecting my emotional balance more than I want to admit. 

My dumb-ass SATC wedding moment came right after I heard the news of the death, when I gently excused myself, walked down the steps towards the ladie's room, and let out a big sob as I was coming down the steps.  This also happened to be mere seconds before the bride and groom were being announced.  Instead of walking up the steps together, the groom ran up alone, went to the bar, got me a glass of water, and ran back down, while my friend watched in horror.  I am SOOOO not a drama queen, and making a mess of the intro was just an embarrasing and ill-timed event.  My DH was also at the bottom of the steps.  He gave me a very kindly worded talk of how this was a wedding, not a funeral, and how I'd have to postpone my mourning for my friend's sake.  I knew he was right, of course, but my emotions had got the best of me.  He drove me to buy visine, I fixed my makeup, and went back in an hour later with my party smile and my dancing mojo.

Today I went to see Dr. Surrey for a regroup.  I wasn't sure if I was going to even schedule it, even though he requested me to, because I didn't want to hear him say I'm a lost cause.  But he didn't say that.  Here's my Q&A with him.  His responses aren't word for word, of course, but the thought is there.

Me:  Do you think my last cycle, with two lead follicles, is indicative of a future decreased response to meds, or do you think it was a fluke? 

Dr. S:  It's hard to say, and we can retest ovarian reserve, but I doubt if your fertility has decreased that drastically in less than a year, considering your good response to meds the time prior.

Me:  If I get my ovarian reserve tests done today, would they be skewed since I just did a medicated cycle?

Dr. S:  No, it shouldn't matter.

Me:  Do you use human growth hormone in your protocols?

Dr. S:  No, Dr. Schoolcraft had used it in a study a while back, but we don't use it since it's not approved by the FDA for infertility.

Me:  Do you use DHEA in your protocols?

Dr. S:  No, there are studies that have shown it to be effective, but they are not the best studies, they didn't use controls, and they had small numbers of patients.

Me:  Would you recommend a change in protocol if I cycle again?

Dr. S:  Yes, I'd want to try antagonist with estrogen priming.

Me:  What is estrogen priming?  I've read about it but am not clear on it.

Dr. S:  We give the patient estrogen for a month prior to the IVF cycle.  The estrogen primes the ovarian FSH receptors and increases response, and also avoids a situation of lead follicles

Me:  Would it make sense to do something like stim a woman every 3 months, do a retrieval, do PGS, freeze them, and save up the embies for one transfer of only the best?

Dr. S:  It could be done, but you have the expense of drugs, plus the expense of PGS each time.  We have done this type of thing with eggs for women who aren't ready to have a baby yet, but not with embryos for women who are.

Me:  How long would you recommend I wait before trying again? 

Dr. S:  You could try in two months.  Normally we wait three, but since you didn't go through the whole thing, you could do two.

Me:  My husband is still not sold on donor eggs, but if we'd decide to go that route, how long would it reasonably take to find a donor with blonde hair and blue eyes?

Dr. S:  It seems to be cyclical the types of women that we get.  For a while we were getting a lot, but there haven't been a lot lately.  You may be better off going through a service than through our program for that.  You may have to wait six months.

Me:  I'd like to try again with my own eggs, and then talk donor eggs.

Dr. S:  Yes, I'd recommend that, I think you should try again with your own eggs.

Whew!  I didn't expect that.  I thought I was a total IVF flunkie as far as CCRM was concerned.  I had the ovarian reserve retested after the meeting.  Lab fee was $490, ouch.  I've heard that testing immediately after a medicated cycle skews the numbers -- Dr. Swanson had told me it would, but Dr. S said it would not.  But I was so damn curious that I couldn't help myself, I have to find out ASAP.

I wasn't sure if I should cycle with CCRM in 2 months or Conceptions in 4 months.  I went to Conceptions to have a baseline DHEA test too today.  I'm a total IVF junkie now.  And indecisive.  The looks of the lab at Conceptions wierded me out.  I'm wondering if their office in N. Denver metro is a bit more modern, but this one is small.

DH thinks I should go to CCRM.  The cost for us will be about $5K due to their lab and surgery center being out of network.  Conceptions would be practically free -- copays only -- maybe $300.  My gut is telling me to try with Surrey though since he's letting me.  Because they SEEM better.  Even though both docs are really good.  Thing is, I'd have to start the estrogen TODAY.  I have an RX waiting for me at the pharmacy RIGHT NOW.  Should I or shouldn't I....that's the question.

I talked to the nurse at Dr. Swanson and asked her if they do estrogen priming as part of the antagonist protocol.  She said no, they used to, but they weren't getting a good response.

It's very hard to make a decision, each doc has their own way of doing things, and each thinks his way is the best way.  Really I know my eggs matter more than any other factor in the mix.  But still, I want to make the very best decision.

Fear

Here's Sarah McLachlan performing Fear.

I fear
I have nothing to give
I have so much to lose
I have nothing to give
We have so much to lose...

These song titles are way too easy to relate to infertility.

My IUI is scheduled for Monday morning.  Then I hop on a plane.  No bed rest, no special doctor's orders.   I've never done an IUI before, so it's a bit of a novelty to me.  I had a pre-surgery check-up with Dr. G yesterday, just in case Dr. S. recommended retrieval, and so I bombarded the poor guy with questions.  He looked tired.  I asked him if he would recommend an IUI given my circumstances (2 lead follicles).  He said, your chances are about equivalent with an IUI and an IVF.  I asked if he thought a lower number of mature eggs at trigger meant better quality.  He said no. 

My biggest fear now is that my fertility jumped off a 14'er in the last 7 months.  My last IVF wasn't too shameful.  This one, however, is not impressive, in a "you absolutely, positively need donor eggs" sort of way.  I have feelings of embarrassment as I talk to the nurse and doc now, as if I have failed them.  As if I should have known, given my age, that my body would not be super responsive indefinitely. 

I fear that the fact that some of my meds had an expiration date of June 08 means that they went bad.  And, I fear that that's not the case.

I fear that this is as good as it's gonna get with stimm drugs from now on.

I fear that God is punishing me for putting work before motherhood.

<Is this as fun for you as it is for me, dear reader?  I fear my readers are going to start charging me for reading this and providing therapy to an in-denial, over-the-hill IVF'er, LOL.>

I fear that I've made mistakes down this road.  For my first IVF, I went to an oddball, sub-par, two-man-show (OBGYN + embryologist) in FL.  The doc was super nice, but he had a policy, due to religious reasons, to only fertilize as many eggs as you want to put back.  I had 18 retrieved, so 16 were just tossed from the get-go.  I was a year younger then, so some of those may have been my lottery tickets to mom-hood.  His embryologist insisted on being paid cash and had a huge "save the squirrels" farm in Lakeland, FL.  No lies.  In my defense, I went to these guys because they had gotten a 41-yo friend of mine prego with twins with her own eggs.  At the time I didn’t realize how much luck was involved there.  But she put back 6 embies.  I didn't know to put back more than two embies.  I didn’t know that other REs fertilize the whole batch of eggs and watch them all.  I didn't know about acupuncture use for IF.  I didn't know about blogs.  There is so, so much that I didn't know about IVF.

I fear that I waited too long between IVFs 2 & 3.  A lot can happen in 7 months.  For anyone reading this who is over 35 and thinking of taking a long break, I'd urge you to not do it.  I think it was a mistake.  I know it takes some major pushing, but I urge you to push yourself.

A week from Tuesday, I have an appointment with Dr. Swanson from Conceptions.  Because I suspect the CCRM Dr. S's won't let me do IVF with my own eggs anymore.  I’ll do a follow-up consult with Dr. Su as requested but that’s what I’m expecting to hear.  Thing is, I have about $40K of IF insurance left, so I'm hoping that some doctor will let me try longer.  (I hesitate to write this because I know so many don't have insurance.  But I'd trade anyone, any day, $ for better eggs of my own!  And trust me, I am not rich.)  Even if I have to fly out to NY or Vegas or somewhere else to go to another clinic, I'd like to use every penny of it, if only to be able to say I tried every which way I could with the funds I was fortunate enough to have available to me.  Maybe I'll try the whole Chinese herb thing, get my spleen chi in balance.  I'm thinking to give treatments another year and perhaps at the same time, pursue adoption.  With adoption, GS only wants to do it if we can get a baby who otherwise wouldn’t have much of a chance, like an orphan from another country.  With donor eggs, GS isn’t on board at all.  I am, quite frankly, open to anything -- DEs, domestic, foreign, older, younger, crack baby.  Seriously.  I think.  As long as I can put a kid in daycare, since I have to earn money to feed the kid and all.

And ya, there's like a 10% chance or something the IUI will work.  So there's that.  But with those chances, I've got to be pragmatic.

I can tell you this, if I have a daughter via birth or adoption, I am going to have her freeze plenty of her eggs as soon as she's old enough.

My husband brought a CD with him to Naples with a bunch of pictures we've taken since we've moved to Denver, so he could show his family.  Mostly of beautiful places we've been, but also of our home and dogs.  When he showed them to his uncle yesterday, he told me, his uncle said if he sees one more dog picture, he's going to bark.  Looks like I'm already a weird dog lady.  I want to at least get a chance to be a weird mama.

Possession

Here's Possession by Sarah McLachlan.

Through this world I stumble
So many times betrayed
Trying to find an honest word
to find the truth enslaved
Oh, you speak to me in riddles
and you speak to me in rhymes
My body aches to breathe your breath
Your words keep me alive

My eggs may remain in my possession this cycle.  No I haven't built an embryology lab in the basement.  Although with what I and my insurance company have now paid for IVFs, perhaps I could have.

My cycle may get canceled or converted to IUI because I have two follies that are much larger than the rest.  The logic is that If only 30% or less of my eggs are good, DNA-wise, then retrieving 2 doesn't make statistical or financial sense.  I'll see how tomorrow's U/S goes and then see what the doctor says.  The nurse said that if I do proceed with IVF, they could either go for retrieving the two big ones, or stimm me longer and get the smaller ones, but they don't tend to go with the second approach because the longer you stimm, the lower quality the embies tend to be.

I am doing some research on when it's ideal to do the trigger shot.  CCRM orders it when 4 embies reach 1.9 - 2.0.  However, this study shows that for women > 35 doing a microdose flare protocol (which I am), it's better to give the HCG trigger when the 2 leading follicles are < 18mm.  Pregnancy rate was 45% versus 17%.  Last IVF they triggered me a day late to fit into their criteria, wonder if morphology issues would have been decreased had they triggered me on the planned day.

Thanks for the support on my marital spat.  I think you all made me feel so good that by the time I talked to GS, I wasn't even mad anymore.  When we finally talked yesterday, he had been out with friends and was in a great mood and I didn't want to ruin it, especially over the phone long distance.  I'm chalking the argument up to the fact that he's visiting his parents and had elevated anxiety.  Last time we saw his dad was at Christmas and we left Baltimore 4 days early due to his dad's drunken tirade and they haven't spoken since.  I guess given that and my hormones, he can have a free pass.

I just talked to my MIL on the phone, she knows I'm staying home on this trip because I'm trying to get pregnant, but she doesn't know details.  She asked, "do you feel pregnant?"  I just said, not yet.

Ice

First I'd like to present the very talented Sarah McLachlan performing her song, Ice.  It's one of my favorites of hers, and this is a beautiful video, definitely worth a few minutes of your time.

Hours pass days pass time stands still
Light gets dark and darkness fills
My secret heart forbidden...

Did I ever write that I used to want to name my maybe-someday-daughter Sarah?  I made that decision 20 years ago, WAY before I met my husband.  Would that be a totally creepy fan thing to do now, now that I've married someone with her same last name?  (not that a baby girl is a certain option in my future, but...a girl can dream, can't she?)

So, my latest development....our embies are going on ICE, ICE, BABY  (sorry couldn't help myself).

I got invited to the meeting in NYC, and not only can I not NOT go, I REALLY WANT to go.  I'll be able to meet people from all over the world that I've been working with for a year now -- people from Austrailia and Canada and China and Mexico and the UK and....you get the idea.  I am super-psyched to put a face to the name of all these amazing co-workers of mine, most of whom I've worked with very closely, yet very remotely.  You know....kind of like meeting bloggers in person!! 

So to make it happen, we have to put the embies on ICE.  Given that, I'll probably do the PGS afterall.  I know, I know, I wasn't going to cave into the pressure of The Palace.  But, this is the only way to get the best freezing technology.  I could do a regular freeze cycle, but it's less likely that all embies will make the freeze.  Plus, it will be intriguing to find out maximum info about our little cell blobs.  My meeting with the genetics counselor is tomorrow.  I'll let you know how it goes.

In other news, nurse Rachel said that Menopur is no longer available.  Wonder why...economy downturn perhaps?  Hopefully there's not new evidence that it causes alzheimers in monkeys or something.  So instead, I'll be doing Repronex.  Actually 1/2 and 1/2, because I still have 2 boxes of Menopur left over from last time.  Ellie said it's fine to use both, as they're essentially the same thing.  I've read that Menopur is more pure, and Repronex causes more skin discomfort, plus it's intra-muscular (oh goody, more giant needles).   

Shot Down at the Palace

(First off, the palace is the new CCRM building, I love that nick-name, given to it by some of the other CO bloggers.  I didn't fully understand until I saw their new buidling for the first time.  One of these days I'm going to take a picture of it and post it here.)

Yesterday I had my hysteroscopy to check for any scarring in the uterus from the D&C – there was none. 

Afterwards I had a regroup with Dr. S.  He said I have 3 options for IVF:  donor eggs, PGS, or vanilla, and he would highly recommend against the third option.  I had just had a meeting with him last week and said I wanted to vanilla, and the nurse set me up with a protocol for it, so I was confused as to why we were having this conversation.  Probably the guy forgot, as he sees maybe a hundred women each week, plus it was Friday afternoon at 4:30, so I’ll give the guy a break here. 

I said I have no interest in PGS since it doesn’t increase the chances of a pregnancy.

He made it very clear for the second time that if this IVF (2^nd with his clinic but 3^rd for me) doesn’t work, he would not recommend doing any more.  I said I totally understand.  Really I understand that the man is running a business and he doesn’t want his stats messed up.  It’s business, it’s not personal.  I just feel like I’m being scolded a bit – like a parent telling me, this is going to be the last time you get away with this. 

While I had his attention, I asked if he knew of anything that could increase egg quality.  He said no.  I said that my acupuncturist gave me a diet to follow that is supposed to help.  He said there's no proof that any diet will help, but a healthy diet is always good.  He was also a bit defensive – he said, if you end up having a healthy baby and you want to give her all the credit, then fine.  Now, I understand there could be an element of, “I’m a medical doctor, and she’s not, and my knowledge is far superior to anything that flake is telling you.”  But really -- why would I give her all the credit? 

I don’t mean to be a bitch.  Maybe I’m just sensitive because this man is forthright with me instead of being fake-positive.  He’s telling me like it is – that he doesn’t think this IVF will work – and it’s making me upset and sensitive.  My husband said he’d rather have a doc that is honest than one that blows smoke. 

But I’m such a fan of positive-thinking and the powers it has, so I’d rather hear someone saying hopeful things to me, like yes, the diet will help, and yes, let’s try again and get you what you want.

I Do Not Heart Diets

Today I went to a new-to-me accupuncturist.  It was at East West Health Center in Greenwood Village, in the same office as my PCP, and their site is The Fertility Cure (oddly similar to The Infertility Cure which most of us have read, maybe they got special permission to use the name?).  I knew they had a full staff of acupuncturists, but last IVF, I went where CCRM sent me.  This place works with Conceptions.  But it's super close and time is precious and so it's my new place.

The acupuncturist, Madalina, was great.  Nobody ever looked at my tongue before and told me I must be stressed because the tip is red.  She asked if I was type A.  I said I'm a recovered type A.  I wasn't trying to be funny but she laughed hysterically, which was good because she is soooo serious and super super smart, and it was nice to know she could relate to regular folks like me.

She had me write down information about my eating habits.  When she reviewed them, she shook her head and said, you might want to change a few things.  Yeah, yeah, I'm already planning to, really!!  She gave me a diet.  My last acupuncturist never gave me a diet.  Some of the diet rules I knew.  Well OK, all of them I knew, but some of them I pretend not to know, so as to not be overwhelmed with dietary changes.  At any rate, now I have MORE rules.

- No refined carbs, including pasta.  She said Whole Foods has pasta made entirely out of vegetables that's OK though.

- No diet soda -- I was going to give up Nutrasweet anyway, which also means giving up gum (except for Dentyne Fire because it's the only one I know of that doesn't have Nutrasweet).  She told me some kind of flavored sugar substitute I can add to water, to replace soda, again available at Whole Foods, I can't remember the name but hopefully I'll know it when I see it.

- No decaffinated tea (not to be confused with herbal tea).  Bye-bye Earl Grey.

- Lots of alkaline foods.  Check out this site, Natural Alkaline Foods.

So tonight I went to the store and bought lots of alkaline foods - spinach, fresh tomatoes, raisins, cantaloupe, lemons, bananas, potatoes.  I brought them home and GS said, "Oh now we're getting serious here.  Hans and Franz are on their way."  I said, these damn eggs are going to be top quality if I have anything to do with it.

Also I'm going to try to go gluten-free, as espoused by gluten-free girl, and which first came to my attention by Super Ovum.  Having to read labels totally overwhelms me so this one I plan to do half-assed as well as I can.

Too bad I HATE HATE HATE diets.  I'm all for eating moderatly and healthily, but I must have a problem with authority because I don't like someone telling me what to eat or what not to eat.  The last time I went on a diet was over a year ago when I did the South Beach diet for two weeks and didn't poo for over a week.  I know I should apologize for TMI, but I'm so over that.  Anyway, that alone was enough to scare me away from diets.

Just think about Hans and Franz (that is going to be my new mantra).  Without this %#$@!* diet, they may never be. 

Persistence

Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.
- Dale Carnegie

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
- Thomas Alva Edison

I am in need of some inspiration and so found the quotes above.  Tomorrow I start my BCPs, as planned.  Then I have to go into the office later in the week for a hysteroscopy to make sure I don't have any scarring from my D&C.  If I pass that test, then I'm officially IVFing in May.

This may be the last chance I have to do IVF with CCRM with my own eggs due to my egg quality.  My eggs didn't look good last time.  But, Dr. Surrey said, "that was only one data point."  If, however, we get two data points with the same information (meaning bad embryos which point to bad eggs in this upcoming cycle), then he would not advise me to try again with my own eggs, and would steer me to donor eggs or adoption instead.

PGS is an option, but one we decided against.  Since I had so few decent embryos at day 3 last time, which indicates a problem with egg quality, if that scenario presents itself again, PGD would not do us any good other than to verify quality -- or lack thereof -- subsequently allowing us to bow out of the rest of the IVF cycle and thus avoid the whole transfer / 2ww / possible miscarriage & D&C experience.  It's not worth $5K to us.  Instead, we'll put in the very best quality embryos and hope for the best.

I do not want to think too much about the dire consequences if this one is a bust.  Those fears are in my head, but I am going to tuck them away, purposely, into the denial folder of my brain so that they don't interfere with the happy happy joy joy thoughts.  As tempting as it is to just go through the motions of IVF, withholding hope so that I won't be too disappointed, I want to be psyched and happy and energetic and positive about this cycle.  AND SO I WILL.  I do realize how fortunate I am to be able to do IVF with some of the very best doctors and embryologists in the world.  How fortunate I am to have a loving, supportive husband, as well as loving, supportive family and friends.

And since I'm a planner, I've planned the strategy for this cycle:

- Do electro-accupuncture 2x/week (same as IVF#2)

- Remove sugar, dairy, chocolate, and wheat from my diet

- Add more fruit, veggies, and legumes to my diet.

- Remove soy from my and my husband's diet (this one's a bitch since we're both addicted to Kashi protien bars)

- Get to sleep by 10 pm every evening and sleep 8 hours a day

I'm thinking of doing the following...has anyone heard anything good or bad about?

- Add L-Arganine supplement

- Avoid tea (I drink tea every day but if it may help I'll cut it out)

Any other suggestions?  I'm open to anything anyone's heard that helps increase egg quality!!

Here we go again.  Happily and Hopefully and Honorably. 

   

Fertile Thoughts #1

Before I started blogging, or even contemplated it, I met Denise on the FertileThoughts message board.  I liked that she was going to the same clinic as me, CCRM.  She was a GREAT FRIEND during my IVF cycle in CO.  I'm sure anyone who knows her would not be surprised, given her super supportive personality. 

Anyway, since I am not knee-deep into IVF as many of my fellow IF bloggers are, I figured out how to find my old posts from that board, and I decided to post some on here, because maybe they'll help someone out.   Some are bloggishly-emotional but others are merely informational.  At any rate, they are little blurbs I can share while I'm on my IF break.  By the way, on that board, I am Maya11.  I selected that name because if I ever have a little girl, I want to name her Maya.  The 11 was just random to make the name unique.

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From 11-02-07 regarding chances of a 3dt working out based on embryo quality: 

I found this article & thought it would be of interest to others:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/sites/e...pt=AbstractPlus

Basically with a 3-day fresh transfer, the chance of BFP when one of the embryos transferred is an 8-cell is 64%, and with a 7-cell it's 41%, and with a 3-day FET, the chance of BFP when one of the embryos transferred is an 8-cell is 24%, and with a 7-cell it's 14.5%. Obviously the true success rate depends on lots of other factors.