Fumbling Towards Eggstacy

Plenty

Here's Sarah McLachlan's Plenty.

I looked into your eyes
They told me plenty
I already knew

Today I chatted with Dr. Swanson, the head RE at Conceptions.  A prior patient of his told me that he used to be partners with Dr. Schoolcraft at CCRM...haven't had that info confirmed but it's interesting. 

He verified my IF history and he said sounds like an egg problem due to age, which I knew.  His plan:  first, in July, he'll retest my day 3 FSH, E2, AMH, and LH.  These numbers indicate ovarian reserve.  He won't check these numbers in June because they may be skewed due to my recent stim cycle.  If my numbers are poor, then he will not be willing to take me on as an IVF patient, but if my numbers are acceptable, then he will.  My last FSH was 7.4, which is good, but that was last August.  I know I'm at an age where ovarian reserve can take a nose dive, but I'm hopeful that mine is still in his acceptable range.

If I pass the initiation blood test, then he has a plan to get PLENTY of eggs.  He wants to:

• Up my amps of Menopur from 2 to 3 or 4 per day
• Add growth hormone. There is some evidence that this improves the live birth rate.
• Go back to an antagonist protocol. That's what I did the first time. Microdose flare has the potential for causing leading follicles which is what I just experienced. 
• No BCPs.  This is standard for them for antagonist protocols.
• Use Letrosol as a lead-in, which releases a surge of FSH & LH.
• Go back to Bravelle instead of Gonal-F.  Bravelle is natural, Gonal-F is synthetic.
• Take DHEA for 3 months prior to the cycle. Studies have shown that this increases follicular count.
• Continue acupuncture.

The cycle wouldn't take place until August / September to give me 3 months of DHEA.  He said my chances of success are 10-20%.  Not great.  I guess my past failures say a lot because his success rates for the age group of 35 - 37 are 68%.  I feel very grateful that he'd be willing to take me on, knowing that I am statistically not a clear winner.  If my numbers report well, I'm going for it.  Seems like a big risk except that, #1, insurance pays, #2, looks like it may be my last grain of hope, albeit a teeny-tiny grain, and #3, time is going to pass anyway, so it can't HURT anything.

Good Enough

I had this hokey idea to name my next 11 posts using the song titles from Sarah McLachlan's album "Fumbling Towards Ecstasy."  She IS my favorite singer, so my website name is very much a tribute to her talents.  "Good Enough" seemed like the easiest to start with.  I could probably write a hundred-page essay on this phrase, but I'll spare you all.

Monday I had my first U/S to check for cysts; none found.  Then I had my blood draw -- it was fine.  Had a sit-down with my nurse, Ellie, and she showed me how to use the Gonal-F pens.  For my last two IVFs, I did Bravelle (Like how I said "did" so it sounds like I'm doing naughty drugs?  My first IVF I told my RE that GS "ate" my Valiums so I needed a new RX.  I am such a non-druggie nerd.)  It's my understanding that Bravelle comes from the urine of post-menopausal women and Gonal-F is synthetic.  Wonder if I'm losing out on quality?  Hopefully synthetic is good enough.  (This theme thing reminds me of Toastmaster meetings where you're supposed to use the word-of-the-day).

I asked Ellie if the U/S tech should have checked my blood flow since I had issues last time.  She said sure, so I had two wandings in one day, yay.  My blood flow is no longer reverse diastolic, so that's a good thing, since that means no Viagra suppositories for me this time 'round!!  My uterine blood flow impedence, however, is still high.  They like to see values under 3, and my PI values are 3.75 and 4.75.  When I asked the tech for the values, she said, "they are out of range."  I said, "you can't give me numbers?  I'm really a big numbers person"  She repeated, "they're out of range."  But, she hooked me up and printed me something that showed the #s.  Guess it's a policy now that they can't give details, because last time around they volunteered the info.

So my PI values are not currently good enough.  Last time around, they were initially 4.5 & 5.5, but after 4 acupunctures, went down to 2.8 and 2.9.  When I had acupuncture later that afternoon, I told that to my acupuncturist.  After I said it, I realized it might seem like I'm blaming her, because after I said it, she acted cold toward me.  Damn.  Well, in all honesty, I have to admit I wondered if it's the acupuncturist, since I went to someone different last time.  Should I go back to the last lady?  That was Terrel Kennet, who's on the list for CCRM.  Or maybe I should go to both and go 4x/week.  I don't know what to do about my blood flow.  I read somewhere on the all-knowing Internet that crawling 10 minutes a day can help.  Guess I could get down on the floor and play with the dogs.  I've read studies that say PI values don't matter, and other studies that there's a big correlation between PI values and IVF success rates.  Argh.

As far as the work meeting, it's now in NYC, and everyone on my team is pissed because management still hasn't decided who needs to be there.  We're merging with another team so they're still figuring out who's on which project.  I get the feeling they'll ask me to stay on this project.  So I still have that dilemma.  I was thinking of going for the PGS afterall, just so I can go to the meeting, since ER is Monday, and the meeting is Tues - Thurs.  I wouldn't care so much, but it's a big IT project and if I'm the assigned Business Analyst, I really should be there, as they'll be revisiting requirements.  Perhaps joining over the phone would be good enough.

One more thing -- I have been cheating on my diet, big surprise.  I'm eating like a handful of chocolate chips every day (because it's the only fun, "off-limits" food we have in the house!), which may be good enough during the bcp & lupron phases, but is not good enough during stims, which start tomorrow. I'm going to have to crack down.

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Update 5/15-- I figured out how to embed YouTube videos, so here's Sarah McLachlan performing Good Enough.

I never would have opened up
But you seemed so real to me
After all the bullshit I’ve heard
It’s refreshing not to see
I don’t have to pretend
She doesn’t expect it from me