Bet you had to think about what PS stood for....I've spent time on plastic surgery message boards this last week and learned new, non-IF, acronyms. Yay me.
I feel guilty posting now because infertility is not the center of my universe. But -- I can deal with the guilt. =) And anyway, it's not like I never think about it. I've actually turned into one of those women who has meltdowns when watching other women with their kids, or watching movies. We went to see the Eiger Imax a few weeks back and I started bawling when the female climber was lowered down into her yard by a helicopter and her kids came running up to her. I thought, I'm never going to experience that (the kid part, not the helicopter part -- been there, done that, puked). Even thinking about that scene, now I'm teary. I'm turning into a crier. I never used to be one. It's strange.
Another strange thing I have to talk about is my face. Plastic surgery is a bizarre emotional rollercoaster of it's own. Good thing I had practice from the IVFs. First a doc cuts, nips, tucks your body while you're unconscious, then you look and feel like death warmed over, and then you must have patience, and lots of it, before seeing the finished product. I mean, I have fake boobies, but that didn't freak me out at all. As someone who was totally under-endowed, I was thrilled with them even before they dropped into place a few months later. But changes to my face, that caused much emotional turmoil this past week, especially after they took the nose splint off. At first sight, I was elated that it wasn't messed up, because there was that fear that "what if he did something other than what we discussed." But even though I had a great doctor and am happy with the results (or at least what it appears the results will be), this good change has required some emotional intelligence muscle-flexing. Looking in the mirror and seeing such a difference is trippy. I'm still super-swollen but here's some before/1-wk later pics if you're as fascinated with my face as I am (as a blogger I fear narcissism is setting in, but at least I have a sense of humor about it).
So to prove further that my mind is still on someday-momhood, the face change made me think of how it must feel once you are pregnant and start growing, or once you have your baby and your body is different than it was before -- your belly gets bigger, your hips can get wider if the baby went through the birth canal, and then there's that mask of pregnancy. All those physical changes must be trippy too. AND - you have a human. That must be a lot of emotional turmoil. I'm not forgetting that the baby part causes elation. But all I'm saying is, it seems like a lot of mental stuff to deal with at one time. Seems like new moms should get automatic daily counseling just to deal with a massive amount of life changes all at once.
As far as my baby plans, now I'm thinking of waiting 3 months before trying. I've read that it takes 3 months for an egg to develop in your body, and I don't want any of the anesthesia drugs or mass quantities of Vicodin that I've taken over the past week to mess up those eggs. If I'm being a total worry-wart, feel free to call me on it. I'm just super-fearful of messing up a baby with toxic chemicals that may be residing in my body.
and.just.in.case.you.were.judging.me -- although it sounds like it lately, I am really not a very vain person. I don't wear makeup and sometimes even forget to comb my hair before leaving the house. My PS-phase is partially due to the fact that I'm partially unsatisfied with life and trying to keep things interesting. I admit, it's kind of a pathetic, rich-bitch (which I am not either, btw, I'm a middle-income bitch...jk) thing to do. But on the up side, it's keeping my mind occupied and preventing it from sinking into depression (well, that and prozac).
