New Perspective

Yesterday I inquired about a Mind/Body health program that Conceptions offers, and the nurse told me it is only for people with primary IF and not secondary IF. I kindly said I understand, thank you. She did say they are trying to get a group together for secondary IFers.

My first instinct though was to scream "I DID experience primary IF. I STILL FEEL it. I know what it's like. It doesn't just go away once you have a baby. It lives with you forever, like a deep battle wound that leaves a lifetime scar."

We need a name for it, actually. Afterall, there's Gulf War Syndrome and Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. Why not Post Intertility Stress Syndrome (or P.I.S.S.).

I pondered the rejection a bit and realized that my perspective this time is vastly different. If DD is an only child, that's OK. There are benefits to that situation. She'd get more of the family resources -- attention, more time, more stuff. There is a ground beneath my feet now. I have a base family to work from now.

This time around I'm going about my efforts more from an academic point of mind. Not that I wasn't a data hound before. But this time there's not the emotional neediness of desparately not wanting to be childless. Now the journey is more intriguing, almost expirimental, like...I wonder if I do [supplement ABC] if my egg quality will increase? If it does, awesome, if not, I'll try something else. Rather than dooms-day thinking, like...if it doesn't work this time it'll never work and I'll go to my grave alone, boo hoo. (Not to make light of these thoughts, I've been there and I respect anyone there and IF justifies the thoughts, but we all know this is the depth of despair and once you come out from it, you can find peace.) But I now have the luxury of not being tempted to ever go there again.

This time may turn me into a supplement junkie. And I'm learning about products that not only may help my egg quality and fertility, but may also help with heart health, more energy, better skin, youthfulness. It could very well be a bunch of crap written on a little green bottle of pills, but who knows, maybe this whole IF journey will in the end benefit me not only by better appreciating my child but also by better taking care of my body.

Here's a list of what I'm taking and some interesting info on them.

• Greens First & Go Greens - (similar products) The former came from my last acupuncturist, and the latter from GNC. They're little packets of green pouder that you mix with water and that give you the nutritional, whole food equivalent of 6-10 servings of green veggies.
• Vemma - again something from the acupuncturist and is sold in a kind of marketing-scammy way where you sign up to get 2 bottles every month. It's a liquid vitamin with mangosteen and green tea and aloe and a "full spectrum of vitamins & plant-sourced minerals." I'm going to cancel though because some of the vitamins and minerals are synthetic. Here's a great article on natural vs. synthetic vitamin sources.
• CoQ-10 (600 mg) - This "plays a key role in producing energy in the mitochondria, the part of a cell responsible for the production of energy." There's a study out there hidden behind password-only sites but copied here (scroll down on page) that showed improved egg quality & increased eggs for fertilization in mice.
• Vitamin D (1000 iu) - Shown to help with implantation rate here.
• Resveratrol (250 mg)- An anti-inflamatory phytoalexin produced naturally by plants and is advised by SIRM docs. I've read conflicting things on this, mostly that it's shown to be beneficial for plants but not necessarily mammals.
• Pycnogenol (50 mg) - Antidioxidant from pine bark, loaded with active bioflavonoids which are found in fresh fruits and vegetables.

Oh - and I caught a cold which sucks because there is research to show that it hampers with fertility and it's bad enough dealing with the side effects of Clomid given my <5% chance of pregnancy, let alone dealing with the effects for a lesser chance. Oh well at least I'm not doing IVF now.

Comments

[emily]

sending good vibes your way. i'm in the infertility race as well. as for some hippy vitamins, research cinnamon ws and d-pinitol 600. best of luck to you and your family. and poop on mrs. secondary ivf lady. not cool.

[Kimbosue]

Dumbasses @ Contraceptives!

Good lordy that's a big list of stuff!

[Lara]

hmm, that is a bit strange, about only primary IF. I do think those of us with our first child coming after primary IF appreciate, very fully, that this may be our only child(very different from secondary)... Anyway, good luck with this journey and with all of the supplements.

[Polly]

I too have PISS! I thought it would magically disappear and it hasn't - that surprised me. And I too have the same "academic" approach to TTC#2.

I too am looking into supplements now, thanks for all the info.

[Music_master]

I think you are not quite right and you should still studying the matter.

[Cathy]

I just stumbled across your blog and thought you'd appreciate my irritation about the mind-body workshops:
http://seekingsibling.wordpress.com/2010/04/08/free-mindbody-workshops-but-not-for-me/

They did call me back and say they were thought they had enough for a group, but by that time I was smack in the middle of my FET and it was kind of late (it was either going to work or we were DONE).

...but, still love Dr. S, and he got me knocked up, so I'll forgive them that, I guess. The assumption that secondary IF is somehow no big deal (for me it's not as I didn't have primary!) still chafes me, though.